The Song and the Flame

Occasionally mini-thwaps just sort of pop up out of nowhere. Well, not nowhere, but unexpected places. The weirdest things can become significant. In this case it’s… well, sort of a line from a song, but it was really just one word that got hit with the emphasis. The rest came in as I continued to think about it, like echoes or aftershocks.

I was reading through a previous entry and thinking how sometimes it just feels like there’s no one out there, and I start to wonder if it isn’t all in my head. At the same time, my iPod was playing “Mandolin Rain” by Bruce Hornsby. Somehow, this line snuck up and hit me over the head: “But that’s a choice I made long ago.” The emphasis was on the word “choice”.

It is. Belief is a choice, one that I have made long since. I choose to believe when even my own mind refuses to present any evidence to support what I’m believing. Why? Because I know that I believed at the time, and I know why. I know that my experiences felt real then, were real, however abstract the idea of them is now. And by observing my past history, I can predict with a fair expectation of accuracy, that the “real” feeling will return in time.

I choose to believe. Consciously, with my eyes wide open, not with full knowledge perhaps but at least knowing my own limits. Somehow this feels like a very powerful thing.