I’m almost through Week 1 of the diet. This is the worst part of it, I think, where my stomach’s used to more food and has to adjust, and I accidentally under-plan meals because I haven’t found my balance back yet and try to go too far the other direction. (OK, I have a tendancy to under-plan them anyway. But I think it’s worse right now than it will be once I settle in again.)

I have to remind myself that I want to lose this weight, and that the only way to do so is to stick to the diet. Just keep pushing through, and eventually I’ll get back to the point where I’m used to it again, and I don’t start craving chocolate midafternoon, and I don’t feel the need to stuff my face at home or when out to eat. Like I did last night. We baked sugar cookies. I ate… too many of them, we’ll just say. I went a few hundred calories over my daily alottment. But I’ve been good all week, so in the long run it probably doesn’t make too awfully much difference as long as I don’t do it all the time. Or even every week.

Diets should not be about self-denial… But at the same time, there is an adjustment period involved, and there is some self-restraint that’s necessary.

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In doing some research, I discovered that this week is Take a Child Outside Week!

Unfortunately, the weather here has not been terribly conducive to taking anyone outside, child or otherwise. (You should’ve seen me with the big black umbrella trying to fight my way to the car Tuesday night to help Tim bring Natalie in. I eventually gave up and waited for the rain and wind to let up because it was just going to soak her anyway, umbrella or not, and in fact I needed both hands just to hang onto the umbrella.) Nonetheless, we’ve managed to get Natalie outside a little. Tuesday evening after the rain had stopped, we went on a walk around the neighborhood as it got dark. It was really nice, not too warm and not too cold, a bit humid but not stifling, quiet and calm in that unique way that only happens in the dark after a good rainstorm. Natalie got sleepy by the end of it, but for a little bit she was awake and looking around, with her eyes wide and her mouth puckered into that little “o”, like she was just drinking in everything around her and couldn’t get enough of it. Which… may well have been the case.

And then tonight we’re going for another walk around the neighborhood. It’s not exactly what Take a Child Outside seems to be focused on, since it’s not “nature” in the sense of going to a park or something, but… Well, it’s suburbia, but there is nature even there. There is grass and there are trees and plants and sun (or stars… or at least clouds) and breeze and fresh air and dirt and so on and so forth. We’re not really focusing on being outdoors, we’re just walking and talking, but then at eight weeks it seems like it would be difficult for her to understand the focus anyway. I choose to count these walks as participation to some degree, at least.

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Tip from The Biggest Loser by way of Television Without Pity: “Meanwhile, if you go to a fast food restaurant, you’re much better off getting the bacon double cheeseburger than a 22-ounce milkshake.” Interesting claim. According to Burger King’s online nutritional information, actually, the calorie count is roughly the same, the burger has more fat and sodium and cholesterol, and the shake (I chose vanilla for an example) has more Vitamin A and Vitamin C and way more calcium. About the only advantage the burger has is that it’s got a lot of iron and a little bit of fiber, two things the shake has almost none of, and it’s got virtually no sugar in it. The balance changes slightly if you go for chocolate or strawberry instead of vanilla, but mostly just in the calorie department, and not so very much that I’d say you’re “much” better off. Mileage may vary between fast food chains, though, I guess. (Yes, yes, I know I’m a nitpicky little nerd.)

So how I got this job I’ll never know
But when it calls you can’t refuse to go
So most of us just do the best we can
And in this stumbling world just try to stand
Close your eyes
Your heart knows why
And what’s the truth
And what’s the lie
–Carrie Newcomer, “Close Your Eyes”

When I write complaint letters, I usually post them here for all and sundry to enjoy. However, my complaint letter to MetLife concerning the voluntary short-term disability insurance that was supposed to have covered my maternity leave is three printed pages long. And not, like, two full pages and a little bit on the third. Three full pages. I thought that was a bit much to post here. Suffice to say I am cancelling all coverage through MetLife and do not reccommend them to anyone.

I’ve been back on the diet for all of two days now. I’ve already messed it up… But not in the way you might expect. I haven’t broken it. I’ve kept it too well; I keep coming up short on how much I should be eating in a day. Easier to remedy that than the alternative, though, I suppose.

You know, most people have to take their coat off when they get to work. Since my return from maternity leave, though, it’s been so cold in my office that I wind up coming to work with no coat and donning my company-issue (but very nice and cozy and comfy) fleece pullover immediately upon getting to my cube. And eating oatmeal and drinking tea for breakfast. Because they’re warm. It’s sort of ridiculous.

My latest diversion: TV Bigshot. Think fantasy football, but with TV shows instead of football players. I’ve got three networks running: S! (in which I choose shows I think will be popular), Global Whosit Network (in which I choose shows that won their time slots last week), and Bright Eyes Broadcasting (in which I choose shows I like). Yesterday I found it way more entertaining than I’d expected. Today I’m wishing the ratings would come out already so I can see how I’m doing.

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I had thought about holding off on this until my breast milk had dried up, but then I realized something. All the advice I’ve seen or heard says that it’s OK to try to lose weight while nursing, just not to try for more than one pound per week. Well, that was all I was going for anyway, so that’s not exactly a big problem. Besides, I’m not producing much milk anymore in any case. (I get about eight ounces a day at the moment. Natalie eats a bare minimum of twice that per day, at least in theory, and generally considerably more, so that’s not a whole lot compared to actually nursing.)

As you may have gathered from that paragraph, a diet looms in my future. I’m going to start Monday, I think. My current weight is 205. To get down to pre-pregnancy weight, I need to go down to 190, but I’d already gained some weight back when I got pregnant. My goal, therefore, will be 185. My method will be to restrict calories, eat healthy in general, and exercise. In other words, same as last time. At one pound per week this should take me 20 weeks, which puts my time goal in early February. We’ll make it a nice easy to remember date and say I want to lose it by my birthday. I feel that’s realistic but still a little bit of a challenge.

Monday I’ll put a note in my sidebar to track my progress, dust off the FitDay account, and things will get underway.

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Not that there’s much good about kidney failure, but if there were, I’d point to the way Tim’s is prompting me to get out of my comfy little culinary rut again. He shouldn’t be eating some of the things we’ve been eating, like whole grains (that one really hurt) and dried beans and nuts and certain fruits and vegetables and higher amounts of dairy, so we have to re-work our usual menu. This sent me running for cookbooks and Web resources for recipes and meal suggestions, and pushed me to try cooking things I might not have otherwise. For instance:

Roast chicken. I have to admit, whole chicken has kind of scared me in the past. I don’t know why. It’s just chicken. As it turns out, it’s easier to make than I thought. It’s entirely possible to crock-pot it. 4 hours on high with the breast side down, stuffed with onion and celery, and no additional liquid nets you a perfectly-cooked chicken and a bonus of a cup or so of stock that can be strained, de-fatted, and used in something else. (And meanwhile, you can tell people you have chicken Jell-O in your fridge. Hee. I’m not sure why that amuses me so much.)

Shrimp. Oh, man, does seafood scare me as a cook. I think this is more justified when it comes to fish, which can be a little finicky, but I experimented with a little shrimp scampi and found it was easier than I’d thought. Much easier. Throw it in the pan and wait for it to turn pink, you know? I think I should look for more shrimp recipes. If only it were a little cheaper, though.

I did some breaded and baked catfish, too, but that didn’t work out so well.

And, in an attempt to make a from-scratch low-sodium casserole, I also tried a bechamel sauce. This is something I’ve just avoided in the past because it seems too upscale for little old me, somehow. I think because it’s French. This was a double experiment, too, because bechamel is usually a cream-based sauce, and I had to cut the dairy. Several kidney-friendly sites recommend replacing milk in recipes with nondairy creamer… so I tried it. It came out too thick and needed seasoning, but I have the basic theory down, I think, and even have an idea of how to correct my errors. It sounds so fancy, but it’s so simple.

(I’d never made a casserole before either, not in that sense anyway. Can you believe it? It probably would’ve turned out OK if the sauce had turned out better.)

This coming week: either beef or chicken stew (no cilantro, since Tim hates it with a passion), shrimp quesadillas (ditto the cilantro removal) with Mexican rice, and beef stroganoff. And maybe another try at fish. I’ve been tipped off that I should try a different fish (perhaps tilapia) and if I go back to catfish I should try cooking it a little longer (even though it was technically done last time), so perhaps another try will yeild better results.

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…At least, from the samples I’ve listened to. You must see this.

Rockabye Baby!

Selections include Metallica, Pink Floyd, Nine Inch Nails, Nirvana, The Cure, Smashing Pumpkins, Tool, the Beatles, and more. When I first saw the Metallica album pop up on Target.com as I was perusing the baby items there, I couldn’t believe it. Metallica? Lullabies? Seriously? Seriously!

I think we need to get a couple of these. At least a couple. It’s too bad they’re online-only items at Target; if they weren’t I’d add them to our registry. Then again, the one shower that’s left to go is my mother’s family, and somehow I don’t see them buying us a Metallica CD, lullaby version or no. Although it might be interesting to see the looks on some of their faces when they run across that on the registry…

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I love Babycenter.com; it’s been an invaluable resource for me throughout pregnancy and continues to be now that Natalie’s here. It even has an article about not breastfeeding, and not feeling guilty about it. But even while being a good example by acknowledging that sometimes it just doesn’t happen, they still manage to give me an example of the propeganda-type information that I mentioned earlier:

Ask yourself this question: Did you try your best to nurse your baby? Did you turn to others — a lactation consultant, your midwife or doctor, your pediatrician — for help? If you answered yes to these questions, chances are you’ve already exhausted all available resources and made the best decision for you and your baby. “Sometimes babies just don’t breastfeed,” says Barger. And sometimes moms just can’t take another day struggling to try.

This paragraph is supportive of the choice not to breastfeed, yes. It even sort of acknowledges frustration as a valid reason for the choice, as opposed to physical inability. And I’m not going to nitpick this by saying that when it’s a case of frustration I think it’s possible to make a good decision without necessarily consulting everyone available on the subject, and that I feel like I did just that. I get what they’re saying there; if you’re committed to the whole breastfeeding thing, make sure your problems aren’t something easily fixed before giving up on it.

What concerns me more is the “have you done everything” language. There isn’t any room in that paragraph, or in the rest of the article, for a woman who doesn’t want to do everything. Some women just plain don’t want to, even right from the start, and that’s a valid choice too. Most literature on the subject, though, takes the same approach as this article: of course you want to, because breastfeeding is so good that no one could possibly not want to. The very idea of a woman just not wanting to breastfeed her child is inconceivable.

I don’t think that word means what they think it means.

Mind you, I’m not really as upset as I might sound. Having made the propeganda accusation, though, I thought perhaps I should at least illustrate it somehow. And I realize this probably sounds a little nitpicky… And if it were just the one resource I’d probably just mutter a little and move on. But this is the kind of stuff that you get hit with from all sides, and it just keeps coming and coming, and all the little stuff just kind of builds up. You know?

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Parenthood is a constant learning experience. For instance:

Babies are noisy. Not just when they’re crying, I mean. Natalie makes all these squeaks and gurgles and grunts and things–and that’s before getting into her digestive system. (We’ll just say there’s usually no doubt about when she needs a clean diaper.)

Speaking of crying, babies have some sort of miraculous respiratory system which allows them to engage in long, drawn-out wails and fast, repetitive cries that would leave an adult unconscious were an adult to attempt to duplicate the sound.

Babies do not necessarily sleep on their own, in a crib or basinette or anything, right away. Maybe this sounds kind of obvious, but somehow I had missed the memo. I thought that starting with the first night home, when it was time for us to go to bed we’d put her in the crib, and then when she woke up in the middle of the night we’d get up and feed her and change her and whatever, and then put her back down in her crib and go back to our bed. It… didn’t exactly go like that, though, and we’re still working on getting to that point.

It is, in fact, possible to be perfectly functional on three hours’ sleep. Or less, although less may require the assistance of caffeine.

Baby talk will happen, whether you always thought you’d eschew it for more rational conversation or not. Resistance is futile.

You can do more than you think you can one-handed.

Nursing makes you thirsty. Which is really weird, because it’s not like the liquid goes straight through to the breast for baby. It’s got to go through the same processing everything else does. But I’ve seen many mentions of “make sure you have a glass of water or juice nearby when nursing” in various breastfeeding materials, so it can’t be just me.

Ten pounds of baby is somehow heavier than twelve pounds of cat. However, twelve pounds of squirming cat is more difficult to hang onto than ten pounds of squirming baby.

Babies are considered community property. I never actually ran into the thing where once you’re pregnant people think of you and your belly as community property and strangers try to rub your belly and all that. Now that Natalie’s born, though, random strangers will stop in the grocery store and coo at her and, sometimes, try to look at her feet (which are usually hidden away under her blanket).

Baby feet are, apparently, fascinating things. I don’t understand it myself; they’re cute, just like the rest of her, but they’re just feet. Everyone seems to want to see them, though.

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I just saw this note on IMDb about the next Star Trek movie. I don’t know a thing about the actress they’re talking about, but this caught my eye:

“Saldana joins Heroes star Zachary Quinto, who has signed on to play Spock…”

Sylar is playing Spock. Huh.

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My very talented cousin Megan, who is a professional photographer, came and took pictures of Natalie a couple of weeks ago. The pictures are now available for viewing. (Check out the rest of her site, too; she’s good, if I do say so myself.)

To access the photos, go here: Megelaine Images
Then click “Enter Same Window” (unless you just feel like viewing the site full-screen)
On the main site, click “Proofing” in the menu at the bottom.
In the password entry box, enter “Natalie Rei” (case sensitive).

You can turn the music off by clicking on the little bouncy bars in the lower left, if you so desire.

Thank you very much to Megan for the pictures!

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